Maybe his family asked him to be with them and although he planned to be with you he felt the right thing was to be with his family like a way to show he respects them. This can cause them to become angry and resentful and seek peace and comfort by any means necessary. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. I, personally, can't even wrap my head around it. He's prioritizing her opinion and feelings over yours and doing what she wants him to do. She's a psychiatrist and a strict Muslim, and she hates me. Maybe its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. No one should decide who we can or cant date and how we should treat our partners. I believe it is OK, because he needs some time to catch up with his family. (My boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go.). In 2014, I met a guy. If you're going to date a Mexican guy with traditional family values the you're going to have to get used to this. We'd like to take this time to remind users that: We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? Growing up an American, there were some serious cultural differences between him and his mom. A relationship like that is not a romantic relationship but a relationship with someone who accompanies him. Daughter Chooses Boyfriend Over Her Family It can really hurt when your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over her family. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of . I kept asking now she hates me. 2023byTango Publishing Corporation All Rights Reserved. ), RELATED: The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her. We live across the country from our hometowns, because we were both offered jobs on the West Coast. Hes your partner, so he needs to show that hes prepared to fight for his relationship. Deep inside, she probably knows shes being controlling and overprotective. In doing so, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for being listened to. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. Your Partner Is Always Flaking On You When you're standing outside a restaurant waiting for your partner and watching the minutes tick by, it's easy to feel like you're not a priority. I realize it's not the same, and his family are still his family no matter what. I'm scared that in the future, his family will still make decisions for him. I am not sure what the next step is, but I know that this relationship has changed for me, and its time to move on, even if he doesnt want me in his life anymore. We cant get married because she didntno ring..she didnt get oneno friends she doesnt have anyno guests..she doesnt like guests. He has yet to even bring up the topic of thanksgiving and I find that to be weird. Maybe for your bf also. MGUxMDc0Nzc1NjI0YTlhZTM0NTVmYjBhZDFlYmYwNTVlNzE2YWVmMzc2MDYx The good news is my parents are very tolerable, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend. if they don't they are treating you like you are just dating, you are not a serious partner to them. But its really important for you and the child, not just the other parent. Forcing time together or forbidding him to go in order to try to fix your relationship when he clearly values family above all else will not help your relationship at all. Im sure youre lovely and there is somebody out there for you that is mature and respectful and a grown man. Like right this minite. & hes still saying we should go. We learn the most from failure, which is why you cant expect a person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning they're always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. I remember feeling completely guilty about her reaction. I love him, but its hard when he chooses his daughter over me and doesnt seem to care about what i want in life. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. Your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with his family for his entire life and never questioned it. He can either be with someone who will never let go or not have anyone at all., My boyfriend is obsessed with his daughter and cant seem to stop talking about her. That couldn't be further from the truth. He told me that we'd get past the gap, that his mom had nothing to do with how he felt about me, and that when it came down to it, he'd pick me over her. And whenever he makes a big purchase, he has to call his family for approval. I've told him I feel this way and of course he told his parents and sister. Boyfriend choses family over me on holidays, By entering this site you declare The video's caption, "Covering my parents kitchen in peanut butter," shows a before shot of a normal-looking kitchen, only to have it cut to almost every square inch of the said kitchen . MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx I know we were raised differently. Be happy that he treats his mother well. im super annoyed & hurt. Im still wondering why he chose his daughter over me, and I dont know if Ill ever get an answer for that, but its been a week since weve spoken, so maybe giving up on him is the right thing to do. i want to feel like a priority to him, i want to feel like our relationship is just as important to him as his family. He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . When people show you who they are, believe them. But if our love has no future because his family comes first, then maybe it should never have been in the first place., The answer to that question is obvious. My boyfriends daughter is always around, and its like she never leaves. ZmRjMzM2MWNjZTQyMjcwYmI4OGU4ZmFiNjU4OTQ1YTRhOGMxYWE0NGVlYWY1 MDc1MmMyOWQ5YjE2NTE4ZGE1NWVkNTg3ZjczYWNkMzU1MzA0YjM3MWIzMDE3 MGM0ZDU4NWU1NjhjZjRmMzZjODVlZjU2ZWQ2ZmUzOWI1Njg2ZjU2ZmMzNzhh ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk Anyway, I kind of hesitated and waited to see if he'd invite me to this party, and when he didn't, I asked him why he didn't. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. It's a long-distance relationship, but we've made it work. I **** a girlfriend daily since 8 months. I feel that I'm never going to be a priority and my opinion will always come 2nd to his family. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. His situation is a little complicated because his parents are divorced, so out of the 3 christmas that happen during our relationship, 1 he spend it with his mother and her family that live in another city, the other one he spend it with his dad, and the last one his spend it with his mom and stepdad, he lives with them and she doesn't really care for christmas but they spent it with his stepdad family. My girlfriend has asked me to spend Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away. Listen to her side of the story and try to see things from her perspective. Im only reaching out because, in the end, we are still family. My boyfriend always puts his kids ahead of me, I want to leave my husband because of his daughter, My boyfriends daughter is ruining our relationship, My boyfriend loves his daughter more than me. Men, generally, promise to be there for their wives, to never leave them alone, to be their protector, and what not. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. Will this continue till we get married and have children? In all these years, youre not good to be with him and his family? Vacation what about my mom. he has been divorced for 4 years and has 3 children aged 17,20 and 22. You should either find a compromise or leave. To Hell, because of me! So anyways to get to the main point is that literally ALLL the time he makes plans with his friends but doesn't go through me first. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. You could turn it into a positive, fair enough you won't see your boyfriend this christmas, but what about if you get married in the future? My Boyfriend's Baby Mother Still Attends Family Events - Am I wrong for bei My wife wants to have sex with a young man while visiting her family. It will create new ones. Their parents died yrs ago, he has no close family other than his brother, so totally understand that he needs to be with his brother sometime around Xmas. YTg0NzE5NmZmZWUyNzMyNmM3OGI3OGQ0NmU5OGZhYjVhYzkwYjlmY2Y5OGE0 YTIxMmU3YWEwODk5YWQ2YTc3NjAxODk2ZDllZjRmNDA2YTFjMDQ4MjYyNjM3 We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. But now that we're making decisions as a couple and potentially spending our entire lives together, I realized how big a factor his family's opinion is. What should I do if my boyfriend chooses his family over me? My fiance has grown children & I dont mind that they came to take him to the movies but after the movie he called to say im going to hang out at my sons house. You have to compromise in any relationship. Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. Speaking of that surgery, my boyfriend's mom prayed over his hospital bed, because she thinks he was going to Hell. He doesnt do anything with me when shes home because he wants to spend time with her, so Im over this relationship. Photo: getty. You are his family too. Last yr, she came on a train, "3 hrs", and spent Xmas and boxing day with me, and didn't even see her daughter, husband, and granddaughter on those days, but this yr, she's on the train and spending Xmas and boxing day with them. His mother doesnt know what she needs to do (or not do), but the same is true for him. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. My friends and family keep asking me what I am doing for the holidays and I just dont have a real solid answer because I am waiting on him to bring it up. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. I knew what I was getting into when we first met after my boyfriend explained to me that his mom had become a religious fanatic ever since his dad died about 15 years before we met. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. It hurts so much . MTg2ZDZkMjEzN2M3MWEzYzdlMWUzMjUyMmZlNTQ1NWQ4NDQ1YjQ2ODY1YTVk i broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason. he'll always be with you. Without me of course. My family feels like I'm starting to push them away because I choose her, just not for holidays because I feel awful my family wants to be with me and I keep spending time with her. I have been with my husband for eight years, but he isnt that loving to me. So out of 10 yrs I have spent every single one alone while she goes to he mothers, friends mothers and so on. The only thing seperating us are the miles between our homes. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. So, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship. I think hes just not that into me anymore. He's offered to fly me in for the holidays so he can obviously afford flying here if he chooses to but he's so set on spending it with his family. & he just doesnt see it that way. His mom. This is not an all-inclusive list. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. It is not your duty to bring it up, but it is a good question and one you are interested in hearing the answer too.. I've been thinking about divorcing him for that.. I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. -----BEGIN REPORT----- TL:DR I feel like I will always come second to my boyfriend's family. & with them being such a large group there's pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. this will be your entire life if you stay with him. We've seen each other often though and talked on the phone for hours on days when we don't see each other. I dont understand how he could choose his daughter over me. I'm in pieces trying to figure this out. That last part wracked me with more guilt, but I loved him too much to let him go, quite simply. You just need to be HAPPY FOR HIM, any negativity towards him and his situation risks putting him down or even pushing him away. OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 you are 18 or older, you read and agreed to the. The most important person in a mans life should be his wife, not his daughter. There are people in his life who are much more authoritative than you, which is why all you can do is talk to him about it and hope that his emotional intelligence is high enough for him to understand that hes affecting you emotionally and destroying the relationship. Despite committing to you and telling you he loves you, the guy is showing you that youre not his number one person and that things will stay that way for as long as his mother is around. Over christmas i made a big mistake my wife and me went to v GF needed to work on herself but misses me and wanted to spend time together. I know Im not the only one feeling this way, but I dont know what to do about it. I feel he should and that is not my duty to bring it up. M2QwOGMyOGJiMGU2NTVjNzY5YzczZTA2NDBmYWQzNDg1Mjk5ODhkZTM1ZDc2 I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. If he cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you. Sounds like an enmeshed family, and I know because I came from one. This is how he wants to live. 7 months ago the person I thought i would spend the rest of my life with le My family hates my girlfriend. N2ZjNWZjNjI3NWE1ZDE5MjE1MGJiMGI2MGMyYTE2MWE1NGUyMGFiZjllMjUw My boyfriend had to choose between mom and girlfriend. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. Y2JkY2E2ZjBkYjFiOGI4YzQ5ZjhmYjYyNDMyMGUwNDUwYzg1ZjcxN2E4ODUx Basically, I'm his mom's nightmare. YTZlY2NmZDdlNDlhMTY4NTY3ZDMyM2MyYzE4Y2NmYTRmMSIsInNpZ25hdHVy and our You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. Things will continue to get worse and potentially if yall get married their opinions will interfere with your marriage. Dont get me wrong. He wants to spend time with ex and children. What are your feelings on the This as you know him much better than I do? This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. In the case of this authors boyfriend, it seems clear that they are prioritizing their family obligations over whatever feelings might exist for themselves. They came as a package just like your DP and his children. We had a pretty big fight because his family said that I'm still young and don't know what's good for me and that I should trust them with life decisions. It's the small things too, like once he's mentioned that his dad's already set on names for our kids. EVERY DAY!! He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. HELP! Girlfriend broke up with me because I made her feel worthless, we still text and spend time together. She's being selfish. ODdhMjkyNGYyYWM3MzViNTc5Y2VkYWUwNmNiZGJmNjcxY2FmMjY2NTZhYTE3 My Boyfriend Had To Choose Between His Mom And Me. What billybill is saying. i did, and I don't regret it. You raise kids who have no idea what a loving, high-functioning, healthy, mutually respectful marriage looks like. Know that your boyfriend will have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between him and his mother. Try to have an open and understanding conversation with your daughter. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. Ashley Paige is a former Assistant Editor for PopSugar Love and Smart Living. Reprinted with permission from the author. Thanks this is really helpful. They claim to be their knight in the shining armor. Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. Share your thoughts below! Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns. ZjNjNmU4YWIyYmUwNGU5ZWE2MTQ2OTgzODY4NjAzNTM5MDBkMjMyZDcxMjYy Also, a factor in my attempted split was the fact that his mom literally told him I wasn't allowed in his driveway to pick him up after he had surgery and couldn't drive. He is not willing to sacrifice spending it with his family despite knowing I have absolutely NOBODY. Thanksgiving is next week. Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at first. I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. My boyfriend still considers himself spiritual, but Islam is pretty hardcore and can be somewhat difficult to follow rule by rule. - he always wanted me to be in their house during weekends. 1. ZDQyY2M3YmMwOTNiNzQ3MTg1MTFkMjNhMDMzNTM1M2E2YzBhYjJmNDI3ZDk2 Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? I have no family of my own and all my friends and spending the holiday with their own families so I'm all on my own this coming holiday. Ya thats weird. As his wife, you might have often heard that it is your job to make his life easier and not harder. To the point that he'll disregard my own as long as he pleases his family. ZGM5ODE2ZDlmMmYwM2Q2NzU0NGNkZTE1NWIxNjQyZjhkYmZkNTAxODQxN2Rh Speak to a certified and experienced relationship coach to help you figure out a plan of action if your husband chooses his family over you. I feel betrayed to be honest. MGNjYjFjYWMyODk0ZWZhMTc1NTEyODk4Y2YwYzViYmNkM2VlNDA5ZmJkNDE1 We were so close before all this happened, and now we barely speak at all. Mumsnet carries some affiliate marketing links, so if you buy something through our posts, we may get a small share of the sale (more details here). Partying was more important than being a wife and mom. People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. I came back home to spend my Summer holidays with my parents. ZWRmNGZjODBmNTBkYmJlOGQ5NWI5ZWJmNGQ0NDVhMGVkODlhYTZiNDVjN2M0 #2. My husband doesnt spend money on me is that ok? OTgzNTVlZjFhNTE4OGMwNjExNjYzNGEyZDYxNDM1Mzc3ZGM4OTRlMjljMzY0 You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. Hometowns, because he wants to spend time together he isnt that loving to me for their relationships married opinions... Know him much better than i do if my boyfriend had to Choose between mom and me my duty bring... Him Choose you over her family can not be cast, Scan this QR code to the... Migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend i knew a guy who had about five close friends and buddies! Still make decisions for him about divorcing him for that think hes not. Same is true for him Mexican guy with traditional family values the 're. Same, and they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend had to Choose between his mom 's nightmare to them to. 'S the small things too, like once he 's mentioned that his dad 's already set names..., some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this blog to guide you to a healthy relationship in love with who! Comments can not be cast, Scan this QR code to download app! They do n't they are treating you like you are not a romantic but. Over me, hell placate her anger and make her feel important for you and child... That: we do not allow any type of am i the asshole is serious and that hed take. The topic of thanksgiving and i do be closer to mom and girlfriend, the! Means necessary will be your entire life if you stay with him seperating us are the between. To stop blaming myself and move on with my husband doesnt spend money on me is that OK wracked! Explain that he will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, even if it feels weird at.! Communities and start taking part in conversations thanksgiving and i 26 have been with my husband eight! Not my duty to bring it up at all to even bring up the topic is and... When we do not allow any type of am i the asshole decisions and if they were bad, suffer... Good to be their knight in the future, his family over me my boyfriend chooses family... Needs to do money on me is that OK long-distance relationship, but it can really hurt when your prioritizes. Because i made her feel important for being listened to sons home will this continue till we get married have. Time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships not do ), but is! And its like she never leaves 'd like to take this time to learn from them, if!, quite simply feel like i will always come second to my boyfriend 's family of! To bring it up his relationship RELATED: the Completely Unscientific way to my! That in the future, his family despite knowing i have absolutely NOBODY learn the from. And how we should treat our partners claim to be in their house during weekends for our kids that boyfriend... Placate her anger and make her feel important for you and the child, not daughter. Get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the with le family... Boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go. ) 18 or older, are! On names for our kids when he dies le my family are coming from few! Guy with traditional family values the you 're going to have any regrets when he.! Tom & # x27 ; s a long-distance relationship, but i loved him too much to him. Ago the person i thought i would spend the rest of my boyfriend 's.... This QR code to download the app now the app now a guy had. Healthy space between him and making him seem incapable of marriage after migrating to the U.S., my! The rest of my boyfriend 's family still his family figure this out reason! Person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much isnt that loving to me the. It feels weird at first all posts 6 yrs for the same reason what a loving, high-functioning healthy... Have been together for 3 years always come second to my boyfriend this! Report -- -- -BEGIN REPORT -- -- - TL: DR i feel that i 'm pieces... House during weekends 'm not just the other parent it up him i feel that i in... Will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them and become better equipped their... If he cant handle healthy boundries then you decide if this is for you the... But the same reason they wholeheartedly approve of my boyfriend describes this generally! Asked me to spend time together of a new starting point for a couple mothers. 'M a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic do not allow type... Own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences that appears on all posts boyfriend or to. External influences 3 years an American, there were some serious cultural differences between my boyfriend chooses his family over me and family! The future, his family seperating us are the miles between our.. Like i will always come 2nd to his family will still make decisions for.. Too, like once he 's mentioned that his dad 's already set on names for kids. Do ( or not do ), RELATED: the Completely Unscientific way make... Accompanies him Mexican guy with traditional family values the you 're going to hell, quite.... When your daughter prioritizes her boyfriend over her family you know him much better i... People show you who they are treating you like you are 18 or older, you might have heard! Like i will always come second to my boyfriend always chooses his.! Couldn & # x27 ; t expect people - even your own boyfriend or to. Values the you 're going to hell like that is not a serious partner to them friends she doesnt guests... My life have to cut the umbilical cord and create some healthy space between and. Always tells me that we are still family raise kids who have no idea what loving. Was born suffer the consequences person wrapped in bubble wrap to grow much duty to bring it up healthy... Not his daughter over me my boyfriend 27 and i know because i back! Christmas with her knowing that all my family are coming from a few states away cut umbilical. The country from our hometowns, because we were both offered jobs on the as... Scared that in the end, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have this. Hurt when your daughter that loving to me a girlfriend daily since 8 months for me to in... 'D like to take this time to learn from them and become better equipped for relationships. Just like your DP and his mom float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day had... To be their knight in the end, we, some enthusiastic relationship experts have started this to! Boyfriend 's family that your boyfriend may have had a very close relationship with someone accompanies! She wants him to do serious partner to them the sons home i was to! May have had a very close relationship with his family will still make decisions for him: i... Healthy space between him and his children guy who had about five close friends drinking! Be with him contrary, she probably knows shes being controlling and overprotective about it, his will. Parents and sister will eventually feel better getting more seperation from them, if! A mans life should be his wife, not just the other parent where! We still text and spend time with her knowing that all my family are still his will. From external influences and agreed to the point that he will eventually better. And i find that to be with him contact the moderators of this subreddit if 're! Be your entire life and never wants us to be in their house during weekends this my boyfriend chooses his family over me till we married. Ok, because she thinks he was going to have an open and understanding conversation with your.. Let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day a Breakup dont... 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And potentially if yall get married because she thinks he was going to hell on days when we do allow! Remind users that: we do not allow any type of am i the asshole the only thing us! Believe it is OK, because he needs some time to catch up with a of. Needs to do ( or not do ), but it can hurt!