[6] It came to wider public attention when it was told by Gilbert Gottfried during the Friars' Club roast of Hugh Hefner. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughs]Oh, Georges! Scat Cat:Mousy, you just struck out. Le Petit Caf Chef: Sacrebleu! O'Malley: [Gasping] Help? Whew! After the punchline, Kyle says he doesn't get the joke, to which Cartman responds, "Neither do I.". Whew! Georges Hautecourt: Ah, still the softest handsin all of Paris, eh? Duchess: So, why won't you join us,Monsieur Roquefort? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Marie, my little one,you're going to be as beautifulas your mother. O'Malley: You know something? We want to hear it. Ow! Duchess: Oh, Thomas, that was really brave of you. Esmeralda: Well, you're not hurt, are you? Clopin and Chorus: [singing] BellsofNotreDame! O'Malley: [offscreen]See ya around, tiger! Kittens! [onscreen]Heave-ho! We meanfar more to her than that. My bad. Napoleon: And whoever it isis gonna get it and get it good. Then, at the endof their life span,my entire estatewill revert to Edgar. Oh, where am I? It was a little oldcricket bug. Naturellement! It's a motorcycle. O'Malley:[offscreen]Look, I'mgonna need help right away. Uh, not exactlyyour type, Duchess. No. I say, that's not at all bad. [ Laughing ]That always makes melaugh, sir. The joke has a simple setup: A family visits a talent agent to pitch him on a new act. WebThe Aristocrats, a documentary by magician/comic Penn Gillette and comedian Paul Provenza, follows the genesis of "the filthiest joke ever told." [offscreen]Duchess and the kittensare in trouble! Come along for rapping and roaring with some furry bears. Which pets possessthe longest pedigree? In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet. Mark Elliott: Introducing Pixar and "Disney's Animated Storybook: Toy Story" on CD-ROM. The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. Roquefort:[ Panting ] Mr.O'Malley, I've heard your name. [offscreen] Lafayette,what in tarnation you trying to do!? Brian Cummings: Coming this summer, join Kermit and his new friend Billy Bunny in their very first Muppet sing-along video: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Lafayette:How come you always grabthe tender part for yourself, man? All of a sudden the kid can't take it, diarrhea starts shooting out of his ass. You're comin' on. Oh, it just isn't fair! Someone call the cops and Ill sneak out. He's got nine lives. Girls! [Snarling, Hissing, Spitting ]. Thank goodness you're safe! While the son, still with his mother's shit in his mouth, goes over and licks the baby's tiny little balls. The 2005 film The Aristocrats documented the history of the joke, which was so filthy that comedians traditionally told it backstage at clubs rather than in the spotlight. If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Jillette and Provenza tell dirty jokes. Now on video for a very limited time! [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? Georges Hautecourt:Very well. Because you're probably saying, if you have any sense of human decency, "Well, why didn't he stop them the minute he saw the father unzipping his pants!" O'Malley: Well, now, uh--What I meant-- You see, l--. And the agent says, "Well, what do you call them?" Maybe you fellon your head. (The gargoyles burst their heads out from three sides of a window). Jasmine: [singing] We're eventually getting married! I hit her with an ax handle, burn her c*nt with a curling iron, put a fish hook through my cock, f*** her, kill her, and take a sh*t on her dead body! Afraid,I guessyou know best,and I'm gonnamiss you, baby. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. O'Malley: [Singing]I only got myselfand this big old worldBut I sipthat cup of lifeWith my fingers curledI don't worrywhat road to takeI don't have tothink of that Whatever I takeis the road I makeIt's the road of lifemake no mistakeFor me! On this Wikipedia the language links are at the top of the page across from the article title. "Roquefort". The joke was the subject of a 2005 documentary film of the same name. [offscreen] Now stop beatin'your gums and sound the attack! The work of a genius. I've made the headlines." Scratch one butler. All: Everybody, everybody Everybody wantsto be a cat (2x), Frou Frou:Everybody (2x) Everybody wants to be a cat[ Giggling ], Uncle Waldo: EverybodyWhoopee! Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Lafayette:Oh, but Napoleon, we done bitsix tires today. Woody: [Shakes Buzz's head] You're a toy! Scat Cat:Hold it, cats! They're the startof my new foundation. [Hissing]. I-- I couldnever leave her. Napoleon: It's squeaky shoesapproachin', man. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. First,to make the magic begin,you wiggleyour noseand tickleyour chin. Billy: No, but the rest is kind of hard to believe. July 28, 20058:25 PM. Its release marks the completion and end of something, or perhaps several things, though what, exactly, is difficult to determine or Georges Hautecourt:Adelaide,what's that music? Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! This is reallynot lady like. [Grunting]Lafayette. A slip of the handand it's off to dreamland. You knowthe kids are bushed. Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Go on! You justdon't understand. So the talent agent says, "All right, you've got two minutes." Gottfried told the joke to recover after losing the crowd and eliciting booing and hissing with a joke about the 9/11 terrorist attacks, which had occurred just 18 days prior. [baby begins to cry] Yeah I didn't like it that much myself. This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Mark Elliott: He lived a solitary life behind stone walls. [ Singing ]Everybody wantsto be a catBecause a cat's the only catwho knows where it's at, O'Malley [ Spoken ] Tell me about it! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Oh, Edgar, they're back! Huh? Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! 1 of 3 The Artistocrats Show More Show Less 2 of 3 Co-creator Penn Jillette arrives at the premiere of the film "The Aristocrats", Tuesday, July 26, 2005, in New York. That ain't. Mark Elliott: "Aladdin" showed you an entire new world. I've just gotto find them. For those who are new and are wondering about why this was necessary, read the shift in editing starting March 1st blog. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. Ow! Duchess: Good evening,Monsieur Roquefort. It's "Roquefort". [ Laughing ]. Will you hold on, please! It wasn't a dream, was it? Marie: Oh! You are a great talent. The garbage canswhere common kitties play. He could be a longshoreman. Oh, that must be him! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, please, sir, justhold on! He told me justto mention his name. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies the aristocrats. In 2005, bob saget, who died sunday, was still americas dad the sweet, caring father on full house and the lovably dorky host of americas funniest home. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. Frou-Frou: [ Chuckles ]You're quite welcome, young man. Oh! It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Now what's the hang-up,your ladyship? The horse blocks the road. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. And aristocatic flair in what they do and what they say. Kyle keeps interrupting him as the story gets more filthy, but Cartman simply disregards him and continues. This is what this joke is about anyway, it's about using your kids. Duchess:Because of our owner. [Screen fades to black and the movie starts], Singer: Which pets' addressis the finest in Paris? Very poetic. Roquefort: Duchess, kittens, gone? Beloved comedian gilbert gottfried, who died tuesday, was as well known for his edgy and. Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" Aristocrats Joke Text. WebThe Aristocrats is a terminal movie. Duchess: Oh, I'm so sorry, but,well, we just couldn't. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Now, my pets,a little closer together. Oh, are you all right? She plays Chopin's third movement, in B minor. Carole Jeghers: There's never been a better time to make the dream come true. Duchess: Now, now, my darling. Gilbert Gottfried - Aristocrats Joke. Magic carpetit's gonna be. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Georges Hautecourt: Will, eh? [ Hiccups ]. I can walk into NBC tomorrow and say I have a dysfunctional family idea. Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. You eitherare or you're not. Well. Abigail: A roue. Guard #1: (Tries to get back up, but Achilles sits on him) Woah! Only for those aged 17 and older. He was like our rehearsal director when dad and my brother weren't there, and my mother and my nana weren't there. Oh! Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Just in time now! [ Chuckles ]Not as spry as I waswhen I was 80, eh? Here I come! All right. Napoleon: Right there, man. [2] When told to audiences who know the punch line, the joke's humor depends on the described outrageousness of the family act.[3][4]. Right. [Screen fades to reveal more clips] Aladdin and Jasmine's dreams are eventually coming true. Toulouse: Good idea, mama. And saying, "This is totally wrong! It's warmand, mm-mm, cozy. I almost fell. Sorry, it was half [Screen fades from black, showing some of the locations from the film]. Have you seen Gallagher? Thieves: [singing] Scheming up a scam, out on a limb. Yes. What a classyneighborhood. Oh, and, Edgar, I'm expectingmy attorney, Georges Hautecourt. The joke itself generally begins with a family auditioning for a talent agency. [We cut to Robin Williams in the recording booth]. And your music is so--so different,so exciting. Oh, that's thatfamous restaurant. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [Laughing] Oh, Berlioz. Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! Right off your cuff. Bob Saget: Can I get a copy of this? Well, there it is. Otto Peterson: [talking through his ventriloquist's dummy] Have you ever noticed that when you kick your girlfriend in the C*NT she calls the cops? They show aristocatic bearing. Upward and onward! Duchess: Another flight intothe fantasy, Monsieur O'Malley? If I said "magic carpet," okay? Amelia: Yes, that's a question. Will you hold on, please. Good evening, Duchess. Duchess: Oh, c'est tres jolie,monsieur. Abigail: You really did quite wellfor a beginner. Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. Duchess: Oh, no more, please. This family, mother, father, four kids. Ooh. What made them think this was entertaining! Well, come along, darlings. O'Malley: Well, some humansare like that, Duchess. Whoa! What made them think that this this was entertaining? And I'm not a man either. Someday they're all goingto be yours, you sly old fox. Roquefort: Must keep still. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! Hello, kittens. Buzz Lightyear: To infinity. But that's a whole other story. The scene is stomach-churning, and thats the point. It's not exactly the Ritz,but it's peaceful and quiet. Duchess:[ Sighing ]I don't know what to say. Kittens, come along! A porn version of that age old joke kept alive by comedians throughout the years. I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! [ Sighing ]Gee, I'm gonna miss them too. [Squeaking][Clattering] Oh! Lafayette: [Chuckling nervously] Ow! It looks like a serated sea snake. Did you haveany luck at all? Uh-oh. YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. I love 'em. WebIn the film, Gottfried said hed heard the joke called The Aristocrats, The Sophisticates, and Blood Shit and Come and Eating Each Other Out and Fistfucking a Dog but O'Malley: Now look, kids. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Answer me please. I'll saywhen it's the end. Oh, l, I mean,even little Marie. Mac:[offscreen]Yup, and she goesall the way to Timbuktu. The joke ends with the agent asking what the bizarre act is called, and the family replies. Roquefort:A-A-Alley cats!? [The mouse clicks the light switch, which makes the room dark. Duchess: Oh, ho, ho,you are charming! Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. A few seconds later, Hugo comes to life, spitting a bird's nest out of its mouth]. Frollo: [To Phoebus, unimpressed] Look at that disgusting display. Gee! (onscreen)Please introduce yourselves to him, darlings. And aristocatic flair in whatthey do and what they say. Mark Elliott: Coming to video. Duchess: Yes. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. Edgar Balthazar: Oh, ho! Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. Duchess: [ Singing ]If you wantto turn me onPlay your hornDon't spare the toneAnd blow a little soulinto the tune, O'Malley: [ Singing ]Let's take itto another key, Scat Cat: [ Singing ]Modulateand wait for meI'll take a few ad-libsand pretty soon, O'Malley: [ offscreen; singing ]The other cats will all commenceCongregatin'on the fenceBeneath the alley'sonly light, Duchess: [ Singing ]Where every note isOut of sight. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. 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